( – 5 – )
Ayman Mansour is a friend of mine , he is Christian , but we don’t speak about religion . I’m Muslim but I look at people because they are human beings . He is nice, he is romantic . he loved a girl for five years called Roma . he couldn’t marry her , she married her cousin .
Ayman lives in the landfills , groups of sheds and barns for raising pigs and sheep . the residents collect litter from the houses and hospitals nearby . in a way , they recycle the rubbish, paper, cans , bottles , plastic , everything is classified . they live in a community, they all came from upper Egypt , they speak in different dialect , they have their own customs and traditions , Ayman has blazing anguishing eyes , many girls love him . His love to Roma made him sensitive , he didn’t have any love affairs with other women , he is a man of principles , he always keeps his word . I used to visit him a lot just to discuss the matters of his life . he couldn’t forget Roma . I told him if he wants to forget her , he could marry another girl .Only diamonds cut diamonds , man is forgettable. I know it is very difficult to forget a woman , but the effect of the course of time is great , I don’t believe what I tell him about time , because I couldn’t forget Fathia myself . I sypathise with Ayman . I think everyone is different from one another . some are one woman –man. I told him why don’t you marry Hiwayda ; she is a beautiful girl , has nice wide brown eyes , and a wonderful voice ,her father was an electrician fixed some electric wire in Ayman’s apartment . sometimes we go to visit the electrician . Ayman thinks that she is fat , he is opposite to me . I don’t approve of skinny girls . Hiwayda was loving Ayman , who loves someone else , he proposed to his cousin Rasha , she refused him because she knew he is loving Roma . , all the community there know the story of Ayman and Roma . When Rasha refused Ayman’s proposal , he lost self-confidence , he was scared to propose to another girl .
Piles of litter are gathered from every house or shops or hospitals in Cairo city , small girls and boys are picking out what is good and heap each category in a room , dirt is everywhere , flies and dead rats on the streets . they don’t care whether they catch diseases or not . they work from 6 o’clock in the morning till 6 o’clock in the evening, one hour rest at noon , industrious , hardworking people in hazardous areas in Zarayeb at Moquatam , in Tora near El Maadi , Bolak El dakror , azbet El Nakhl and other places in Cairo and other cities in Egypt . plastic crushing machines , producing unbearable sounds as a result of the non- stop machines .
Pollution and contamination are the atmosphere around , men and women , boys and girls are heroes , every day they clean up and classify , armies or mountains of garbage . they exposed to unbelievable conditions , the smell of the shit of pigs , the smell of the rotten rubbish , especially in summer , , besides the swarms of flies .
At 6 p. m they all finish they work , they got up to their houses , having a shower , wearing clean clothes , , you will never recognize them . Inside their houses , they lead a different life , all accommodations , well furnished , in short , you will be surprised when you get into their houses . Come and see them when they celebrate a wedding or a new – born baby , they hang the colorful lamps , dazzling sheets , belly dancers and music bands are playing loudly . they smoke Hashish and drink beer and they grill chickens and lambs . I asked Ayman to be my partner , I gave him money to buy a machine for making plastic cans for yogurt , besides , the sheep and goats I bought to be raised at his sheds .
- 6 -
Leila was my friend’s wife , of course she was fat , I come back to my fetish again , my mother is very fat , may be I inherit my father’s fetish for fat women . I think every son is his father’s image , if your father loves particular kind of food , you are bound to inherit it . I have different measures from these of other people , I want to go to psychiatrist to be cured from this fetish , I’m ashamed to tell my friends about this . My heart asks me if I forget Fathia , I didn’t , in fact I love Fathia and love Leila. How could I love two women in the same time , I don’t know , man is mysterious , nobody can know the nature of man .
I always dream of Leila , may be it is difficult to have her , may be , my conscience pricks me :” it’s your friend’s wife” . I dream of the death of my friend and marry her , to have her between my arms , I know , I can’t get my arms round her because she is fatter than the round of my arms , white than more white can be , I tried hard to drive her image away from my imagination , but I couldn’t , all I can do is to dream of her , I won’t do anything but to look at her : to sleep with her is to be bored with her , so , I won’t be bored with her , but to imagine to sleep with her and squeeze my fingers in butter is non- stop daydreams . I’m very weak before her .
Once I went to visit my friend at home , of course I saw her , the diameter of her arm is as much as her leg, about 30 centimeter . It’s terror , agony , libido, pleasure and anguish , I can’t express my feelings . to her and my friend , I speak common , usual words .
- how are you ? I said
- fine .
- how are things going ?
- fine .
something like that , but my mind is in somewhere else , imaging her nude in bed .
- shall I bring you some tea ?
- yes , please .
when she stands up and walks, I’m sorry for my eyes , they are sinful , I don’t want to look at her back , but my eyes are fixed , I can’t move my eyes to look at somewhere else , but I can’t . I want to succeed in controlling myself . She brought three cups of tea on a tray , She was walking in front of me , she was smiling and welcoming me . I don’t approve of what I think of her , if she accepts to meet me on the café along the Nile , the same place of Fathia , but Fathia’s love was struggling within my heart , I shouldn’t dream of Leila and should be devoted to Fathia ; she was there with you in hard times , she fed you her body and self and spent amazing nights with her and still you do . No; I can’t be devoted to one . Man is many things , he is changing all the time. man is not the same in two seconds . I can love Fathia and love Leila . I can sit with Fathia on the Nile café and sit with Leila the next day .
But , how I could sit with Leila, , she can’t be mine and my friend’s in the same time . Does she really love me or think of me ? I never can tell . can man love woman from one side only . If man love s a woman , or wants her , does that mean she also wants him . I imagine my friend sleeping with her , I feel jealous , does that mean I love her ? or is it that I only want to sleep with her ? is it to love her means to sleep with her as well ?
“Hysterica passio “, so many questions in my mind without satisfactory answers .she is a woman of principles, she loves her two daughters , how I love a woman like that , how many times I dreamt I spoke with her and asked if she loves me , I was scared of the answer.
- do you go to your father and mother in Shobra I asked to break the ice .
- yes , I do .
People who live in Shobra are different , it used to be the place of high rank people , it was full of villas full of trees and flowers , the people there are decent, polite and well behaved , even the popular districts there , are better than the places like Ein Shams or Matariya . most great writers and actors , football players , Pashas and great businessmen came out from Shobra . the residents in Nasr City have a lot of money but , they have no authenticity whatsoever , in short , people from Shobra , you can trust them , you can deal with them , they are the real Egyptians , they have civilization and history behind , most of the Egyptians now have no morals ; fanatic , ignorant, you can’t trust them , they deceive the customers , they don’t like each other , they respect only the businessmen , those who stole a lot of money from the banks in form of loans.
This is because the effect of crowdness, you can’t buy a flat , you can’t find a job , you can’t find security or respect , you can’t find any sort of culture . the films are bad , the songs are discarded , the operas are boring there are no writers if they are any , they are ignorant and they are not tolerant , they don’t give a chance to the youth ,
- I know you like American films said I to Leila, we were silent.
- yes, they are better than Egyptian ones .
- Why ?.
- because American films are so real that you think , one is living in them , the actors are good , the script is fantastic , the music , the directors , you think they studied every thing well .
- I think , said I , the American films are made to let people forget their worries , to forget the real life , they are substitute to Heavens, they say to people “don’t expect the other life to be different from this “.
- no , not to that extent , she has a great faith , she said , they give romantic stories for the people who are deprived from romantic ones , one should have a romance once at least in a lifetime .
- did you have a romantic story before marriage ?
- no I married traditionally .
- do you love your husband ?
- yes, one should do.
- why ?
- because a wife should love her husband , that is all .
- can’t she love another man ?
- may be , she said this while she was embarrassed and blushed .
- do you have feelings ? I asked
- yes , one must have .
- why should I find your eyes tearful when I speak with you ?
- I don’t know , said she looking at the chandelier hung in the ceiling
- I want to tell you a problem . she looked straight at my eyes ,
- The problem of the Middle East .she was smiling to cover her embarrassment .
- I think I love you.
- you must love me as your sister .
- you aren’t my sister , and I want to hold your hands , I want to hug you . I only slept two hours at night yesterday .
- there is someone who never slept at all
- I want to see you outdoors .
- no , I can’t I never did anything like this before .
I squeezed her hands gently , she never went crazy , she was silent , looking at me tearfully , I said :
- I think I should be going
- O k . see you .
I can’t believe myself , at last I freed my tongue ,I just can’t believe to ask her to see me again outdoors . after two weeks I went to see her at home , she said :
- I was so agitated that I was in a terrible condition , I’m sorry I said I don’t want to see you outside .
- on the Nile .
- yes,
- tomorrow at 5 o’clock . I told her about the Nile café I met Fathia many times . I went there at 4: 30 I didn’t sleep at all that Night . She came 5, 10 , I forgave her being late a little bit , I can excuse her every thing . I said hello , we got in the café , I said,
- why you are late ?
- I had to change my clothes they were wet of sweat because I caught a cold . my mother told me to stay in bed .
- why didn’t you stay in bed ?
- I can’t
- why ? I persist to know .
- I don’t know . She was wearing a large earrings made of silver , red shirt and a black jacket , she was white , her cheeks were blushing , large grayish , greenish eyes and white perfect teeth . she said :
- why are you looking so much at me ?
- I intend to do nothing but to look at you.
- why ? she asked , smiling charmingly .
- because words are meaningless , only feelings are true but when they turned into words , they won’t be true .
- that is psychology .
- no,
- I’m a mother , why do you love such one ?
- I can’t tell . please don’t talk , just keep silent .
- what will you do ?
- I’ll draw you in my mind , I want to curve you in my sick imagination .
- do you love another woman ?
- yes , I do
- do you love me too?
Yes,
- why ?
- because nobody can do but to love you . I think all your neighbors love you .your next door , the porter , the greengrocer , the grocer and the butcher love you .
- how came you know ?
- I just know – that what it should be .
- I should go . we stayed two hours.
- no , two minutes
- whatever .
- you’ll sing ‘
- ha ha , no, don’t forget I’m a wife and a mother .
- and a lover said I
- don’t say that?
- why ?
- because you just shouldn’t .
- when will I see you again ?
- call me tomorrow .
- tomorrow o k
- did you finish your orange juice ? she asked
- No I didn’t
- why ?
- I drank your breath ?
- what a liar ?
- I’m not a liar
- I drank mine , it was good .
- bon appetit
- thanks .
- good bye
- good bye .
I went back home walking on foot for two hours . I never felt the time , time passed on me and I didn’t feel it . My mother was waiting for me , she told me the dinner was ready . she told me she dreamt seeing me sitting in a garden with a woman , my mother has some telepathy , she can smell me ,she knows I’m coming by the sense of smell. when I was abroad and coming back home , like Jacob , he could smell the scent of his Joseph whom he didn’t see for forty years . I tell my mother everything . My mother is my best friend , I owed her my education , she was my teacher , she sold her gold bracelet to pay the fees of private prep school . My mother loves me so much since I was her elder son, she gave birth to me after twelve years of her marriage ,so I was so spoilt when I was eleven years old I went to my cousin’s be room at night. I slept behind her , she was twenty years old and would be wedded after a while. I was caught , my aunt summoned my mother to tell her about her son , she never blamed me , she said I was a young boy. . I have 3 aunts two of them had 6 daughters and four sons , Podour , Rasmia and Fakhria. , Rasmia had only one daughter who I slept behind her , I didn’t leave the other daughters of Podour and Fakhria as well , My uncle had two daughters , we were living in the same apartment , I was surrounded by all sorts of grown up girls . My mother always solves my problems , She prepares my breakfast , my lunch and my dinner ,she washes my clothes and prepares my bath , I was treated like a prince . she asked me ,
- when are you going to marry and forget about Fathia and Leila ?
- I don’t know . may be when I forget them . when I love a third one
- what will she be ?
- what do you suggest ?
– I don’t know .
- oh mother , I’m so tired ,I’ll go to bed .
- good night
- good night .
The next day in the evening at 6 o’clock , Fathia called me she told me to come to her at once at El Moez street , I went there , we sat on at restaurant called Talaweth ( pollution ) to have some sandwiches , she said to me,
- I have no appetite , I’m very sad , she burst into tears .
- what is wrong with you ?
- Don’t you know that my ten years old son has been kidnapped at the railway station ?
- what makes your son go to the stations of the trains ?
- he ran away , he met some bad boys , they taught him how to beg , he became a beggar , he got on the roof of the train and traveled to Tanta , or Alexandria .
- and then what else?
- there is a monster collects small boys and teach them to steal things and to beg , if they refuse , he rapes them , he might kill them too , oh, my son, where are you now?
- that is horrible , unbelievable , how could that come about ?
- the government doesn’t care about homeless children.
- I’m told that the Spanish government took a child from his mother because she made him burn his hands , she wasn’t able to bring up her child properly.
- do we have something like that in Egypt ? she was crying .
- no , of course
She lamented her child , she was gloomy and speechless . I bought her some more sandwiches and a packet of cigarette , two kilos of oranges and two kilos of bananas . I accompanied her to where she lives , it was on the ground floor .
- where is your husband ?
- he passed away , I’m lonely ,besides I’m sad because I lost my son and I don’t know where the three others are , some times they come back , sometimes they go away for months .
- oh Karakippo , cheer up , take a shower and put on that black night gown . she nodded and went to the bathroom .she dressed the black night gown , she was white , the gown marked every curves of her bountiful body , she let down her black hair on her alabaster shoulders . I switched on the play recorder , some music for belly dancing , I asked her to dance , she said she didn’t feel like dancing, but I begged her to dance , I want to get her out of that gloomy atmosphere , I convinced her cunningly , what is gone is gone , let the lives for the lives , she is only surviving , she doesn’t know what will happen next , she never knows her luck , and sadness brings sadness and fun brings fun , so let’s have fun and enjoy ourselves , I was hot and watering , I pierced my sharp teeth on the rounded white large arms and I touched every piece of her body . I asked her to be nude absolutely and dance in that condition , she agreed seducingly , she kept dancing for long . I know she wanted to forget her son , the other children , her dead husband and her humiliating job . I was motionless , looking at her affluencing body , she was tall, had wide eyes , and rich rosy mouth . this is the most beautiful portrait I’ve ever seen . if I were a painter , I would paint her and memorise the beauty incarnation , she jumped over me , I was breathless and she was wild, I didn’t know how many times I slept with her , I didn’t feel the time , I deceive myself when I say I want to condole her , of course I’m weak before her , sometimes when I was sleeping with her , imagining I ‘m sleeping , with Leila. I know Leila won’t let me sleep with her , up till know she loves me in a romantic way. How I think of Leila when I’m with Fathia , and how I think of Fathia when I’m with Leila . when I’m with Fathia I love Fathia , and when I’m with Leila I love Leila ,
Leila is a woman in love , I don’t know why I love both of them , may be it’s my fetish , may be because I feel stronger , she makes me a man , no I love Fathia she deserves my love , she is many women . I love to look at her as well as I love to look at Leila , once I said to her,
- I want to sleep with you .
- you can’t said Leila . I know you sleep with other women , but I don’t care .
- But I want you . I think you don’t love me enough .
- aren’t you considering my situation ? I speak with many people , I go to my papa and mama , I go to my brothers and sisters , I sat with my husband , but I’m thinking of you , I leave all these people and come to see you , what else can I do for you ? aren’t you satisfied with this ?
- I want your soul .
- you already have it , don’t you see that I go on quarreling with myself , and my conscience , my what is right and what is wrong just to meet you .
- May be I’m your lover you imagine to have .
- May be you are my husband I want to marry .
- How ?
- my husband is from a world different to mine , but, you, know how to stir my feelings , my imagination , you give me little things your lighter , your handkerchief , the cover of a bar of chocolate you gave me on my birthday, you give me your poems , you asked me to buy you a shirt .
- yes , I remember that .
- I kept all these for myself , to remind me by .
She was wearing a turquoise blouse , she has a dimple in her chin , you can never define the color of her eyes , it depends on the time . her complexion is touchable and so sensitive that it tans in the shadow of the sun .
Once we went to the pyramids , we sat on a corner just away from the sun , nevertheless , she got suntanned . we quarreled together , may be because I told her she was arrogant and selfish, she was very upset , she pitied herself and told me she won’t see me again . I was shocked . I thought I could do without her , I would go to Fathia , she can replace her . , three days passed without seeing her ,
I don’t know why I went to the supermarket she used to go. I was fortunate enough to see her carrying a metal basket full of articles , I said,
- Salam .
- Salam .
she looked at me , she was silent for a while .
- I swore not to talk to you again , I bought you some pieces of cloth you asked me the other day and the perfume you like , some cigarette you like .
- reunion is sweet and reconciliation is better than adversity .
- shall we stand forever , people may talk , call me any time .
- will you think of me ?
- always .
I came back home . I found my mother preparing dinner .
- shall I bring something to eat ?
- no , I’m not hungry , I ate some sandwiches.
- what are you going to do , Abba ? my mother nicknames me , my name is Abdo, my little sisters couldn’t pronounce my name properly. like caca , the Brazilian player –his little brother couldn’t pronounce his name .
- I will watch TV ; to know what is going on the world , I said .
- I can tell you the news myself , some bodies are killing some bodies , the Palestinians are killing each others , the Iraqi are killing each other , the Lebanese are killing each other , the Sudanese and the Somalese are doing the same thing , they are never sick of blood, besides, I don’t know why the Sunnis in Iraq kill the Shiite , what is the difference between them ?
- oh um Abdo , it is a long story
- I want to know , just to understand the news
- look, mother , you know , we Egyptians are Sunnis as well as Saudi Arabia , Yemen , Jordon , Sudan , Somalia , Libya, Tunisia Algeria , Morocco , there are Shiite in Syria , they are Alawite , in Kuwait , Emirates ,Qatar , Bahrain , those sypathise with Iran; the Shiite in short , Iran wants to control all the Arab world , they want to restore their Persian empire again , so they help Syria , Hezbollah and Hamas. Egypt is the hindrance , if they make Egypt weak , they would get all the gulf countries , Iraq, Syria and Lebanon .
- will they fight with Israel? , mother asked .
- no they won’t , they never fire a bullet inside Israel , may be there is unseen treatment between them .
- but why Israel always complains of Iran ?
- because Iran wants to make a nuclear bomb .
- what is a nuclear bomb ?
- a bomb that causes a lot of causalities , if any country owns it , other countries will be afraid of them and they will be respected .
- why the Israeli not let Iran make one ?
- because the Israeli don’t trust the Iranians .
- but the Israeli have nuclear bombs
- yes, they have , they never use it , may be they are wise people .
- if they were wise they wouldn’t kill the Palestinians in Gaza
- because Hamas who rule Gaza launch primitive missiles on Israel
- why Hamas do that ?
- because their country is occupied and they have the right to resist the foreign occupation , but Hamas can’t merchandise this information to the whole world , on the contrary , Israel can deceive the world through claiming that how they can live in a place where Hamas bombing them ?
- so Hamas’ media is not as good as Israeli’s.
- yes . Good night mama,
- 7 -
The next day in the evening at 6 o’clock , Fathia called me she told me to come to her at once at El Moez street , I went there , we sat on at restaurant called Talaweth ( pollution ) to have some sandwiches , she said to me,
- I have no appetite , I’m very sad , she burst into tears .
- what is wrong with you ?
- Don’t you know that my ten years old son has been kidnapped at the railway station ?
- what makes your son go to the stations of the trains ?
- he ran away , he met some bad boys , they taught him how to beg , he became a beggar , he got on the roof of the train and traveled to Tanta , or Alexandria .
- and then what else?
- there is a monster collects small boys and teach them to steal things and to beg , if they refuse , he rapes them , he might kill them too , oh, my son, where are you now?
- that is horrible , unbelievable , how could that come about ?
- the government doesn’t care about homeless children.
- I’m told that the Spanish government took a child from his mother because she made him burn his hands , she wasn’t able to bring up her child properly.
- do we have something like that in Egypt ? she was crying .
- no , of course
She lamented her child , she was gloomy and speechless . I bought her some more sandwiches and a packet of cigarette , two kilos of oranges and two kilos of bananas . I accompanied her to where she lives , it was on the ground floor .
- where is your husband ?
- he passed away , I’m lonely ,besides I’m sad because I lost my son and I don’t know where the three others are , some times they come back , sometimes they go away for months .
- oh Karakippo , cheer up , take a shower and put on that black night gown . she nodded and went to the bathroom .she dressed the black night gown , she was white , the gown marked every curves of her bountiful body , she let down her black hair on her alabaster shoulders . I switched on the play recorder , some music for belly dancing , I asked her to dance , she said she didn’t feel like dancing, but I begged her to dance , I want to get her out of that gloomy atmosphere , I convinced her cunningly , what is gone is gone , let the lives for the lives , she is only surviving , she doesn’t know what will happen next , she never knows her luck , and sadness brings sadness and fun brings fun , so let’s have fun and enjoy ourselves , I was hot and watering , I pierced my sharp teeth on the rounded white large arms and I touched every piece of her body . I asked her to be nude absolutely and dance in that condition , she agreed seducingly , she kept dancing for long . I know she wanted to forget her son , the other children , her dead husband and her humiliating job . I was motionless , looking at her affluencing body , she was tall, had wide eyes , and rich rosy mouth . this is the most beautiful portrait I’ve ever seen . if I were a painter , I would paint her and memorise the beauty incarnation , she jumped over me , I was breathless and she was wild, I didn’t know how many times I slept with her , I didn’t feel the time , I deceive myself when I say I want to condole her , of course I’m weak before her , sometimes when I was sleeping with her , imagining I ‘m sleeping , with Leila. I know Leila won’t let me sleep with her , up till know she loves me in a romantic way. How I think of Leila when I’m with Fathia , and how I think of Fathia when I’m with Leila . when I’m with Fathia I love Fathia , and when I’m with Leila I love Leila ,
Leila is a woman in love , I don’t know why I love both of them , may be it’s my fetish , may be because I feel stronger , she makes me a man , no I love Fathia she deserves my love , she is many women . I love to look at her as well as I love to look at Leila , once I said to her,
- I want to sleep with you .
- you can’t said Leila . I know you sleep with other women , but I don’t care .
- But I want you . I think you don’t love me enough .
- aren’t you considering my situation ? I speak with many people , I go to my papa and mama , I go to my brothers and sisters , I sat with my husband , but I’m thinking of you , I leave all these people and come to see you , what else can I do for you ? aren’t you satisfied with this ?
- I want your soul .
- you already have it , don’t you see that I go on quarreling with myself , and my conscience , my what is right and what is wrong just to meet you .
- May be I’m your lover you imagine to have .
- May be you are my husband I want to marry .
- How ?
- my husband is from a world different to mine , but, you, know how to stir my feelings , my imagination , you give me little things your lighter , your handkerchief , the cover of a bar of chocolate you gave me on my birthday, you give me your poems , you asked me to buy you a shirt .
- yes , I remember that .
- I kept all these for myself , to remind me by .
She was wearing a turquoise blouse , she has a dimple in her chin , you can never define the color of her eyes , it depends on the time . her complexion is touchable and so sensitive that it tans in the shadow of the sun .
Once we went to the pyramids , we sat on a corner just away from the sun , nevertheless , she got suntanned . we quarreled together , may be because I told her she was arrogant and selfish, she was very upset , she pitied herself and told me she won’t see me again . I was shocked . I thought I could do without her , I would go to Fathia , she can replace her . , three days passed without seeing her ,
I don’t know why I went to the supermarket she used to go. I was fortunate enough to see her carrying a metal basket full of articles , I said,
- Salam .
- Salam .
she looked at me , she was silent for a while .
- I swore not to talk to you again , I bought you some pieces of cloth you asked me the other day and the perfume you like , some cigarette you like .
- reunion is sweet and reconciliation is better than adversity .
- shall we stand forever , people may talk , call me any time .
- will you think of me ?
- always .
I came back home . I found my mother preparing dinner .
- shall I bring something to eat ?
- no , I’m not hungry , I ate some sandwiches.
- what are you going to do , Abba ? my mother nicknames me , my name is Abdo, my little sisters couldn’t pronounce my name properly. like caca , the Brazilian player –his little brother couldn’t pronounce his name .
- I will watch TV ; to know what is going on the world , I said .
- I can tell you the news myself , some bodies are killing some bodies , the Palestinians are killing each others , the Iraqi are killing each other , the Lebanese are killing each other , the Sudanese and the Somalese are doing the same thing , they are never sick of blood, besides, I don’t know why the Sunnis in Iraq kill the Shiite , what is the difference between them ?
- oh um Abdo , it is a long story
- I want to know , just to understand the news
- look, mother , you know , we Egyptians are Sunnis as well as Saudi Arabia , Yemen , Jordon , Sudan , Somalia , Libya, Tunisia Algeria , Morocco , there are Shiite in Syria , they are Alawite , in Kuwait , Emirates ,Qatar , Bahrain , those sypathise with Iran; the Shiite in short , Iran wants to control all the Arab world , they want to restore their Persian empire again , so they help Syria , Hezbollah and Hamas. Egypt is the hindrance , if they make Egypt weak , they would get all the gulf countries , Iraq, Syria and Lebanon .
- will they fight with Israel? , mother asked .
- no they won’t , they never fire a bullet inside Israel , may be there is unseen treatment between them .
- but why Israel always complains of Iran ?
- because Iran wants to make a nuclear bomb .
- what is a nuclear bomb ?
- a bomb that causes a lot of causalities , if any country owns it , other countries will be afraid of them and they will be respected .
- why the Israeli not let Iran make one ?
- because the Israeli don’t trust the Iranians .
- but the Israeli have nuclear bombs
- yes, they have , they never use it , may be they are wise people .
- if they were wise they wouldn’t kill the Palestinians in Gaza
- because Hamas who rule Gaza launch primitive missiles on Israel
- why Hamas do that ?
- because their country is occupied and they have the right to resist the foreign occupation , but Hamas can’t merchandise this information to the whole world , on the contrary , Israel can deceive the world through claiming that how they can live in a place where Hamas bombing them ?
- so Hamas’ media is not as good as Israeli’s.
- yes . Good night mama,
- ( 8 ) -
I remembered when I went with Gaffer and Mabroke to Sharm El Sheikh. Leila came with her mother and sister . we took the bus at two o’clock in the morning from Abbassia Square , I asked Leila to come to sit at the back seat . we sat side by side , she had a shawl around her shoulders , it was purple . I slid my hands into hers , they were warm , I felt hot , I looked at her eyes , at last I understand the way she looks at me ; she was in a case of pushing down her sperm , she was like a lioness, she never feels saturation , I was her addict . I pinched her thighs I touched her great round hunches , it takes time to pass my hand from one end to the other ; like a mattress made of soft feathers without any knots . The bus was dark , all the passengers were sleeping .I was kissing her ample lips ,as if I was drinking nectar, she should have been the wife of Zeus ; If only Zeus could have given me his sexual potential; as if I was entering a cave of softness, flexibility and unsaturated lust – lechery is the word ; both of us are lecherous , she had a great urn under her belly, the bigger the better . she never wanted to sleep , whenever I was asleep she woke me , I caught her urn . I took off her underwear down I gripped her clitoris , she never resisted, she was murmuring , twittering, groaning, unconsciously she went into a fit of dizziness . I thought she was asleep , but she told me she was doped , I slept on her breast , I was lulling for a quarter of an hour .
Slowly the sun rose in the blue dry sky , giving out an orange blazing view , at last we reached Sharm El Sheikh at the beginning of the morning . we were very tired I went with my friends to our rooms in the hotel .
Leila , her mother and sister went to their rooms which were in front of ours . we slept till noon . we got down to have our breakfast . we went to the beach . under one of big umbrella ; made of branches of trees we sat down . I said to Gaffer ,
- what do you think who the next president will be ?
- don’t talk politics , we came here to relieve our nerves , said Mabrok .
- could El Bra,de’e be the next president ? said I
- It can’t be , said Gaffer
- why ? said Mabrok.
- first of all , the constitutional situation tailored by the old politicians states that only one particular person can be the candidate , that is Jamal Mubarak – if Bra,de’e wants to candidate himself he has to join one of the present parties and to be a member of the executive organization for one year . practically it can’t be , because unfortunately no party will accept him as a member for fear of the regime which is able to pull down any party ,
- as they did with the party of ” tomorrow “ said I
- yes
- how?
- very simple , there will be a small plot inside the party written and composed by the security , – that leads to the freezing of the party , El Bra,de’e will be frozen as a result , without arresting and putting him in jail .
- what is the second point ? I asked .
- suppose the regime decided to give El Bra,de’e , the Egyptian people and the whole world a hard lesson , if he takes the executive steps towards election , he will be terribly failed because of the falsification of the election , and the National Party is a great master of that .
- go on please , said Mabrok .
- the constitution has been modulated, besides , the falsification has been facilitated by canceling the judicial supervision on all the polls .
- I have another theory ,said Gaffer .
- what is it ?
- the west made concrete and abstract pressure resulted in the return of democracy to the eastern Europe as well as Latin America , the far east and some parties of Africa . the question is that why does the west not want to do similar pressure so that Egypt and the rest of the Arab world turn to democracy ? the first reason is that Israel doesn’t want democratic regimes .
- what is the second reason ? said I
- the fear of the Muslim Brothers , the present regime made them as terrible scarecrow , frightening the west .
- I think ,said I , since the candidate is restricted only on that of the National party , so it is better to boycott the elections from the very beginning , the elections are still public sector ; after the privatization of most of the companies in our country , so let the government run the elective battle amid themselves , you know , Potros Ghali – who was appointed a chairman of the National Council For the Human Rights – in Egypt , by the government – obliged to recommend , to modulate item 76 in the constitution , to facilitate the candidate of the presidential election
- what else did he recommend ? said Gaffer
- the entire judicial supervision on the parliamentary elections in all phases and asked for the cancellation of the Emergency Act .
- what do you expect ? Mabroke wanted to know .
- I expect the coming of Jamal Mubarak as a president and the falsification of the elections , said Gaffer ,
_ I have a dream, said I .
- What is it? Gaffer asked .
- I think the British Intelligence together with Saudi Arabia are preparing for the coming of Ahmad Fouad the crown prince – the son of the ex- king Farouk of Egypt who was poisoned by Nasser who was , by his turn , poisoned by a spy , – Britain was sorry for the loss of Egypt. they hated the king , they caused the burning of Cairo in 1951 , besides they encouraged the revolution impliedly , they could have interfered to crush the revolution so , that is why, as a sort of compensation ,they invest a lot there , they know the strategical site of Egypt , so they are cooking something , not to lose Egypt again . As Franco in Spain Mubarak would have to be abdicated , Ahmad Fouad would be the king and some known character , who must be civilian , to be the prime minister .
- You dream , said Mabrok .
- one must dream , as I dreamt of Leila .
- what did you do in the bus ? asked Gaffer.
- You have nothing to do with it .
we ate some sandwiches and drink some cups of tea . I saw Leila coming with her mother and sister . they sat near us. I was swimming in the sea . I waved to her, she waved back and understood the gesture , she came to me swimming in her red dress , she was ashamed of her size . I assured her nothing to be ashamed of since I’m the only person who is interested in her .
we went far away , but the water was shallow . I dived pulling down her underwear . to my astonishment I saw a great round ball , I sucked it , I kept sucking her female sex for half an hour . she leaned her back to a rock , nobody was around . she was gasping and screaming , she was left to her nature , no pretensions no shy I put my dagger in hers for an hour , she was agonizing because of pleasure .
the indulgence of making love to a woman she loves you deeply is like an adjust equation , the two ends are equal ; a non – stop operation of give and take .
the donor woman is the continuous blessing . no difference between a cry of happiness and a cry of pain . a mountain you want to climb , although you feel tired , but you don’t sense this tiredness . the hardship of escalating the mountain , as if you are in bed of silk , and you feel the breeze of the sea overwhelming you . the sweat of the effort is the purification of the steam ; both to extract the waste out of your body . you are purified by pleasure . the music of her voice – groaning – the harmony of the universe .
Leila and I are united with the power of the sea which makes ebb and tide . the raising waves struck on the rocks . the man is the rock and she is the waves . the rock will always stand there , and the waves will always come constantly . the brine of the sea meets the sweetness of the intimate relation of she and I . this relation is really what makes life possible . that makes me endure the frustration and depression of life.
A true woman is the remedy of depression and frustration of life . the baby boy ; his mother takes care of him , and his lover will complete the mission of life ; the mission of preserving the genre .
There is a strange appeal between man and woman . it is that the reason of preserving life . I think man didn’t make the civilisation alone , but with the help of woman . I’m indebted to Leila ,and I’m indebted to any woman I met or I’ll meet. I stick to a loving woman . tears of love in Leila’s eyes , I know they are tears of passion , too, . I can interpret what her eyes say without speaking . . a loving woman doesn’t need to talk , truly her eyes thank me for doing that and her eyes begging me not to leave her , but they say , I have also , obligations towards my family - her elder brother is gallant , he supports his family , his father and mother , he supports his mother -in- law . he helped in the expenditure of the marriage of the daughters of his mother – in – law. Have you seen chivalry like that ?. this sort of man is Leila’s brother . see what kind of woman will Leila be ?. she is the incarnation of donation .
Leila is like the sun who gives his light and warmth to everyman in the world . she has the sense of decorum , the sense of duty , the sense of what it must be . her love to me is against her sense of what is right and what is wrong . she must have suffered much , her sacrifices must have been great . her suffering to silence ; hush – hush her conscience . her love to me must be invaluable . she is better than 100 million pounds . she told me , I must know a lot of women ; to estimate her properly. I told her she is a woman one only meets in a life time. She has such self – confidence that I can borrow from her how to trust myself . she is my strategical stockage of love .
Sometimes I travel to Alexandria , when I come back , I tell her I really missed her and I come because the reserve of her love ran out and I need to recharge myself with and she gives me without saying no , without stopping . I stayed a week in Sharm El Sheikh. Every day she comes and every day she gives me herself . sometimes I stay with her seven hours , but in fact they are seven seconds . now I believe in the theory of relativity of Einstein . he didn’t count the time . the time beyond the time , the time of no time . twenty four hours can be twenty four seconds . a lot of things could have happened in two seconds . who can believe this unless he experiences It ? . one week is one second in our life . one week is one age . if so , how many ages I lived ? don’t think that life is short . no , life is long , there are many lives and many ages in one’s age .
In summer , next year , as usual , Fathia and I went to El Obeid beach in Marsa Matroh , the water of this beach is light blue mixed with white . vast area of desert . what a pity ! for this place . Once it was the basket bread of Rome , not only Rome , but for the whole old world . I swear this beach is lovelier than Acapulco or Capo in Mexico . we don’t know how to appreciate this place . we have the best part of the Mediterranean . it needs only some planning , some first class hotels , some capitalisation to this paradise , and it would be more beautiful than Tahiti itself , the Egyptians looked after Sharm El Sheikh and Hurghada only . they forgot to take care of this area . it could give them a gold egg every day . the weather is fantastic all the year round here . there is a lot of humidity in Sharm El Sheikh , but in El Obeid there is little humidity . the Egyptians don’t know the treasures they have .
They only want to live beside the narrow strip of the Nile . If Napoleon was alive , he would have made Egypt a paradise . when he was in Egypt , he didn’t have time to do a lot of things. When he was in Cairo , he wanted to provide the area of El Moquatam with water from the Nile . If only he had stayed ten years , he would have made Egypt another Paris . but he stayed only three years . Alas !
Alexander the Great came to this area , He passed here in this place on his excursion to oasis of Siwa, where the temple of Amon was situated . he wanted to consult the ancient priests about his fate . they nominated him the son of the God Amon . he liked the idea to be a God . Alexandra’s ambitions was only focused on his invasions . he wanted to conquer the whole world. – which he did – may be this area was prosperous on his time . it didn’t need other constructions . but , in time , the climate changed , and it got dry , so , sands crept on the area .
May be the Egyptians can’t know how to govern themselves , or rather , they want others to govern them . in fact , this is strange , because the Egyptians don’t like and don’t respect themselves , on the contrary , they love and respect the others , or rather , the foreigners . we don’t find this phenomenon in any country in the world . perhaps , it is a legacy from the past , because the Egyptians were occupied for two thousand five hundred years . they used to like their conquerors . if a citizen made a hassle with a foreigner , if they wanted to report that to the police station , the citizen will be treated badly , he will be blamed , beaten and he might be detained , while the foreigner will be listened to and will be treated like a king , although he might be the reason of the problem .
I was enjoying the sun rays of the morning on the beach , I was drinking a cup of tea , while Fathia was having her morning strong coffee . we were listening to the sound of the waves with little cool breeze, to my great astonishment , I saw Leila with her mother , sister and her two little daughters . they came to sit just beside us . what a coincidence ! I was hopeless , blushed , Leila , too, was surprised and angry , she saw her rival , her eyes told me that she wanted to kill Fathia ; of course , I know Leila’s family, I said hello to them , and expressed my great surprise, and my welcoming to see them here , what will I tell them about Fathia? Naturally she isn’t my relative , and she isn’t my fiancé or wife . I told them ” this is Fathia ” and I introduced Leila and her family to Fathia.
I was told that Leila’s husband had a lot of work to do in Cairo . how embarrassing ! . I was so embarrassed that I spilt Fathia’s coffee, I was sorry , but Fathia noticed my embarrassment . I wish I was buried in the ground . I pretended to be self possessed . certainly , Fathia was upset because of the spilt coffee , again I ordered a cup of coffee for her , and for Leila and some refreshments for her family
- who is she ? Fathia grinned .
- she is the wife of my friend . I visit them from time to time .
- there should be something between you and her .
- how ?
- she seems like she wants to kill you and me .
- no , may be she is upset because of her daughters , look , she is speaking angrily with them .
- you wish I wasn’t here ?
- oh , no , I’m proud of you , it gives me honor to sit with you . if she is angry , that is her business . who provides me with butter and cream ?, I asked honestly .
- I still feel that there is something between you and her .
- no , you know , everybody loves me . I lied again .
I’ll always lie from now forward , how can I clear myself ? and what will I say to Leila?. of course , she knows I have some affairs with some women , how can I live without women ? , but , to go to Matroh with Fathia , and Leila comes too , to Matroh and why El Obeid particularly? – from all the beaches in Egypt . Leila told me she would go to Ras El Bar ; it is another beach on the Mediterranean- in Damietta- where the Nile meets with the sea . these coincidences take place only on films . how can they happen in real life ? may be what happens in real life is more peculiar than in movies .
- when did you come Mrs. Leila ? I asked politely . I wanted to look normal .
- only yesterday .
- what hotel do you live in ?
- in El Lido.
- how great , classy people get in there .
- where do you live ?
- in Alam El room we always get in there
- will you visit us you and Mrs. Fathia sometimes ?.
- we’ll do , thank you , Fathia had to thank her too . Leila gave us some figs and grapes , we accepted at once . Leila was wearing a large sun glasses , to protect her eyes , and a chapeau , I saw it somewhere before . I wanted her to get out that glasses , to see her large eyes , they are gray , green and blue , what color is this ? I don’t know. Yes , she obeyed me , she got out her glasses . I saw her wonderful eyes , resisting the bright sunshine , two bows of her eye brows , under the background of white complexion , I’m stunned , she is the queen of the Turkish , the Persians and the West , yet , Fathia, is another queen of Sheba , of the Arabs ,the Egyptians , and the Indians . I’m sitting with two queens , and I love them both , I can’t spare any of them . I think I’m not normal . I must check a psychiatrist .
On the contrary , I’m normal; I’m happy with every one of them . the butterfly doesn’t go to one flower only , it goes to many flowers . women are the flowers of life . Fathia loved Leila’s daughters , because she missed her own children . she was playing with them , they were building sandcastles , Leila said she would go to the bathroom, after a while , I followed her . when we were far enough ,she said ,
- why on earth you come here ? and with who ?
- you said you were going to Ras El Bar .
- we changed plans , my sister reserved a room for us in El Lido .
- to catch me with Fathia , by the way , what do you think of her ?
- a wardrobe.
- I like wardrobes .
- you must come to see me tonight at 9 o’clock .
- why 9 o’clock in particular? .
- because my mother , sister and the children will go to cinema from 9 o’clock to 12 o’clock .
- I’ll try, what will I tell Fathia? .
- you can tell her any excuses .it is easy for you .
- I’ll do my best .
- no, please come , I’ll be waiting for you impatiently .
- does Fathia have something to do with that ?
- I don’t know , although I was upset when I saw you with Fathia , yet I was excited at the same time .
- I was excited, too .
- go away now , you should go to your beloved Fathia .
- ok , I’m used to obey the orders .
she smiled and went into the ladies , I went back to Fathia , who was still playing with Leila’s daughters . they were playing with a ball , Fathia was very interested in the game , her hair flew in the air , her cheeks were red because of the exercises. Soon Leila came to sit on the chair opposed to me , she spoke with me with her eyes , although she was supposed to speak with her mother and sister . the woman is the only creature on earth who could do this , that , while speaking to some one ,she can speak with another in the same time . for instance , when I phone some one I can’t understand or speak to some one else , but women can do this .sometimes Fathia was phoning someone , she can reply me and understand what I say in the same time . may be they use the two parts of the brain .
Napoleon had this privilege . he could talk to many of his councilors. Anyway , we had lunch together . we joined the two tables together . Leila’s mother and her sister were polite enough not to ask me the position of Fathia for me . Fathia , naturally , speaks fluently and she has a lot of funny stories to tell , everybody loved Fathia . I was happy for that , even , Leila couldn’t help loving Fathia , although she knew she was her rival . Fathia was talking to Leila’s mother and her sister , the children were swimming on the beach . I was playing backgammon with Leila . I touched her legs and went further to her thighs , there was a long napkin sheet on the table . she was gasping because I touched a sensitive place in her body , she kept saying ” be patient ” under her teeth , she didn’t want anyone to notice that.
This world is bizarre , sometimes I don’t find any woman to talk to , now to my pleasure , I’ve two loving women at hand . how much I was suffering because of loneliness . as a matter of fact , I don’t think I cheat Fathia . all women think that if a man knows two women , that is cheat , that is from the point of view of women . on the other hand, the man has another point of view . it isn’t absolutely wrong . the man has different psychology , different physiology , different construction of body , different mentality and different temperament . the woman wants the man to be her slave , she wants to possess , certainly , that will be only for a while . no man can control his heart , not because that is a fault in man’s heart , but it is the nature of his heart .sometimes he feels good or excessive joy, then melancholy . sometimes he loves this woman , then, he hates her , nobody knows the reason . that doesn’t mean that this man is evil , but , because he is exposed to many streams of passions in life .
The law of life is changeability, if anyone stands before this law , he’ll be dead . see , what it is now , and what it was in the past , what it was hundred years ago , what it was five years ago , what it was last year , what it was yesterday and today , the world seems standstill , but , no , it is moving all the time . I don’t say that because I want to justify my love to Fathia , and my love to Leila . Or I just want to relieve my conscience , but it is myself , and I like myself as it is . I know it is different from others . everybody has his own world . so, woman is the best friend to man and the best companion . man and woman is one thing , one body .
In the afternoon , I was lying on the sand under the umbrella just to take a nap . I saw Fathia’s legs , how nice they were , I looked at Leila’s too, how beautiful they were . Fathia and Leila would win in a Miss World , on condition that I would be the chief of the committee of judging. When I got up after an hour , I drank a cup of tea , Leila and Fathia drank coffee , they became friends , to my luck . but , I have a feeling that Leila and Fathia would fight me . they wouldn’t let it pass wonderfully . I know Leila only behaves politely because that what it should be , but she is boiling inside herself .
I kept thinking what excuses will I fabricate ? how will I defend myself ? how will I convince Fathia that I’m innocent . besides , Fathia , too , smelt something in the air , she was looking at my legs meaningfully . I can understand what she wants to say . what will I say to her ? I’m like a prey amid two vultures . everyone wants to divide me into two halves . I know every pleasure should have a price . what price will I give Leila and Fathia ?I know the explosion will come from Fathia , but Leila I can deal with her smoothly .
We stayed till sunset , Fathia and I excused and went to get the bus to our place .
- I love Leila’s daughters very much , said Fathia .
- yes, they are nice and well bred .
- I doubt , there is something between you and Leila .
- how ?
- there is something in her eyes , the way she looks at you we women know .
- are you jealous ?
- sure , I’m , why shouldn’t I be ? I can’t help it , otherwise , I don’t love you.
- so what .
- you shouldn’t have told her to come to El Obeid .
- I didn’t, you know I didn’t .I was honest this time.
- alright . I don’t want you to get out at all this night .
- you know I must get out to smoke Hubble bubble on the café nearby , only for an hour , I won’t be long . I lied .
- please don’t go . I want you this night .
- you know , everyday I go this hour to smoke hubble bubble .
- I’m sure , you’ll go to Leila . I’m well aware that you know many women , I know my job , I know you don’t ask me not to meet other men , you don’t want to hurt my feelings , but I love you , don’t break my heart.
She went into a fit of weeping . I hugged her . I stroke gently on her back till she got calm again .
- only one hour because I promised her . I’ll come back at night and make it up for you . you know I can .
I went to El Lido on the shore . I went straight to Leila’s room . I found her with a red night gown , very transparent , I can see her underwear . I smell fabulous perfume , some – aperimitivo, patates fritas and anchogas - two bottles of beer – two candles ,
- you do so because you are jealous of Fathia .
- yes, I think she will kidnap you , she’ll take you from me . so I sharpened all my weapons .
- you needn’t , you are beautiful without comparison .
- Fathia is beautiful as well , said Leila , she has terrific weapons , too,
- so, you are even , but she has circumstances .
- I don’t care about her circumstances , she is femininely woman .
- shall we talk all night , I hardly took permission .
- does she know you’ll come here ?
- yes,
- how kind of her to let me have you , she said sarcastically .
No sooner had she said this than she attacked me literally and spotted my body with her rouge and took off my shirt and my trousers . she told me she would ride me , she would be the jockey and I would be the poor victim . this time she gave me more than usual , as if she defended her land fiercely. As if I would be lost . really she showed me her lewdness and lechery . I wanted to cope up with her , but she defeated me all the time .
- Don’t come now , she said
- I won’t , why ?
- still we have two hours .
- I told Fathia it will be one hour .
- you can tell a story .
- leave me some power behind , I will do the same thing to Fathia .
- it isn’t my business , I want to run you out , nothing to left for Fathia .
I know Fathia , she can refresh me again . if Leila managed to exhaust me up , Fathia can recharge me again . I didn’t want to tell Leila that , she may get jealous . two hours passed .
- I have to be going now , your family may come any minute .
- you are right , see you tomorrow .
- where will you go ?
- Agiba .
- alright , ten o’clock ,bye sweetheart, thank you .
- darling , by, not at all .
The cool breeze of the sea refreshed me again . I got a taxi and went to Fathia . she welcomed me warmly . she didn’t want to show me she was jealous , she was a professional . I got a hot shower . she made me strong coffee , so all my energy was renewed . now, she kept massaging me . her fingers were experienced , she knows the places that comfort me . she knows the physiology of the body better than any Chinese .
- oh, Fathia , I’m tired , I want to go to bed.
- oh , no , what do you think of me ? I won’t do anything , but I’m so happy this night that I feel like dancing.
She played the recorder , she was wearing a yellow night gown I didn’t see before . and a black underwear , the yellow color , really gets me hot . I was lying on the bed . she was dancing and shaking her two pyramids to and fro . she drew nearer to touch my sex male , then she goes away . after a while she comes to touch it with her hunch . she raised the tail of her gown high so that I could see her pompous, she knew I never felt bored with them I saw her red underwear and her stifling sex female , most welcoming – to dance like French Can – Can. I couldn’t resist any more . I pulled down her underwear and devoured her female sex . It was reddish , white , round , soft and big , like a rounded loaf full of meat and onions ; like the blowing cheeks of the piper . unconsciously I made love to her . I didn’t know what I was doing . I have no control on myself . I was biting her breasts , she was screaming of pain , her long neck , her small ears , when I came to that , she was shouting , she was fainting because of lust.
Every time of making love to her was different from the previous one , she was a mine of pleasures . I didn’t intend to make love to her at all , but the atmosphere , the beauty of Fathia , the sincerity of her love , the generosity of her nature , the revenge she wants to make to Leila , as if she says , whatever Leila does, she is not my match , because I’m the queen of the night ,he belongs to me , you have your husband in Cairo . all this I can read in Fathia’s eyes . I belong to her . Fathia has the craftsmanship and Leila has the innocence and the naivety . that doesn’t mean that Fathia is cunning , on the contrary , Fathia is pure and innocent in addition to her experience.
The woman is wrong when she pretends to her husband the chastity . she should give her husband herself and body ,why should she conceal her groans and her lewdness ?. she shouldn’t be ashamed of doing this , she should always prepare herself for her man , looking her best , dressing décolleté and almost nude and to change herself all the time , sometimes to look Indian ,or Japanese or Arabian , and she could be the initiative , sometimes to speak in a libertine way like the sluts , why not ? that doesn’t mean that I don’t respect Fathia, no , Absolutely , I love her , I respect her , I sypathise with her and understand her conditions .
Sometimes I feel Fathia’s love is lost , but I’m sure , it will come back again , because , no man can live without love , just then life will turn to be tough . the pulse of life stops , although it walks and it moves . how long will my love to Fathia last ? I know it isn’t a romantic question , or a question for entertainment , but it is a vital question, looking for the meaning of life .
Is love imprisoned in the mountains of fear and anxiety ? or will love be on strike and say good bye to life . love is a smile to your lover , a faithful smile from the heart , to be a true message to love .
This message can carry friendliness and love , it can carry true feelings without words . try to smile at the face of a person you meet instead of frowning without a reason . do that when you work , when you discuss . life won’t run away . try to kill the anger inside you especially with those who love you .
I know the word of love is elastic , it bears many meanings . I won’t cause any sadness to Fathia , sometimes , I neglect her , sometimes, I treat her wrongly. I don’t want to cause her any misery . I’ll be a source of happiness to her . I’ll be successful only for her , to be proud of me . so, I’ll expand my business with Ayman Mansor , I’ll buy another machine for making the plastic cans for yoghurt .
I’ll defend her reputation , I won’t expose her to gossip . I’ll refuse failure , because , that will let me far away from her , so I will carry out the transaction of cattle , sheep and goats to be raised at Ayman’s barn. my happiness is her happiness and my aspiration is her aspiration .
I feel telepathy between Fathia and me , that is to say , I feel remote sensing between her and me . I’m living every moment of love with her . many people , in this world, claim that they love , but , when you live with them , you find out that they love only themselves , they are egoist . in fact , they try to impose their feelings and their dreams.
They love when love is in a good condition, when the lover is quiet and generous , but when their beloved loses the appetite for life and the desire to love or feels pain . you find this lover apologises and runs away . those who really love should love in a good time and in a bad time.
When Fathia is happy she dances to me and I dance with her . when she is sad I draw near her . usually, I have fun with her and try to get her grief out , I tell her that grief doesn’t last long . I contain Fathia in a moment of her weakness . I listen to her carefully . I don’t get bored of her worries and her pains , but I live them with her .
When she finds that life’s doors are closed , I open the door of my heart , to let her in , to a better life . I can’t bear the idea that Fathia could love another person because love is selfish , but I can breathe half my breath to give Fathia the rest of my air . I can split a swallow of water between her and me . I can forget all my grieves , frustration and smile honestly to her. I always forgive her mistakes and I can find many satisfactions for her mistakes .after every mistake I find out that I love her more and more.
I feel her while she isn’t with me , sometimes , I travel far away for business , yet I feel her presence with me . I feel that we are one sense , one feeling and one vision . I feel that she loves me more , sometimes, I feel that she prefers me to her self .
On the next morning , when I got up she put her arms rounded my neck and a rain of kisses on my face and my lips .
- good morning my sweet heart .Fathia said .
- morning whitey.
- where will you go today ? it is a beautiful summer’s day .
- you copy Shakespeare ?
- what is that ?.
- Shakespeare is an English poet and a playwright in the sixteen century .
- does this have something to do with what I said ?
- yes , Shakespeare wrote a beautiful poem , he said :
” shall I compare thee with a summer’s day,
Thou art more lovely and more temperate “
- what does he mean ?
- he describes his beloved that she is more beautiful than a summer’s day .
- what is the beauty of summer’s day ?
- when you know that all the weather in Britain cloudy , rainy , chilly, and summer which doesn’t last long is sunny and fine and the day is very long , just then you can feel the beauty of summer in Britain . I wish one day we could go to London .
- it is very cold .
- we ‘ll go in summer .
- you didn’t tell me where you ‘ll go today ?.
- we’ll go to Agiba with Leila and her family .
- what if we don’t go with them . I’d like to go with you alone .
- where?
- to El Beausite beach ? she answered .
- I promised Leila ?
- you can apologise , you can call and tell her you aren’t well today .
- I don’t tell lies .
- ha, what , all your life was a series of lies .
- how ?
- you lie to Leila and you lie to yourself , you try to convince her you love her , but you don’t .
- what is it ?
- you only love her body , because it looks like mine . when you sleep with her , you thought in your deep heart – sleeping with me , and nobody else because I’m the original . I’m the only one you love . don’t you understand , my eye throb , Leila is another picture of me , you only want to change food , you like to control , you weren’t successful in your teenage so, you want to compensate now .
- but , Leila loves me terribly , I said obstinately and trying to cherish my self pride .
- yes , because her husband is busy , working hard to support her and her children . he only cares about his business .
- you mean Leila is not good.
- no , but she uses you to make up for what she doesn’t have .
- what does she not have ? I asked .
- feelings , love and sex .
- but I still love Leila .
- you love her because you find in her what you can’t find in me .
- like what ?
- she knows how to speak well , she is cute , she is educated , and she knows how to dress elegantly .
- now you speak better than her and now you are more educated than her .
- yes , I’m educated in the street and I got a lot of experience from thousands of people you know .
- yes , I know .but , don’t remind me , please .
- are you humiliating me ?
- no, but I’m surprised because I found out that you are a psychiatrist.
- what is a psychiatrist ?
- a doctor that knows people’s characters and then cure them .
- ok , what did you decide to do ?
- I promised Leila , and I must go , please Fathia .
- don’t go to her , go with me.
- why ?
- because I’ll grill some big fish , salad and rice , the dessert is a pie with cream and honey , a strong coffee and I’ll ask for you a Hubble bubble to smoke on the beach . she was persuading to gamble.
- but ,
- don’t speak , we’ll sit alone , you and me , we ‘ll stay till the sunset and wait the sun to splash on the sea , as you say ,
- but ,
- and when we come back at 8 o’clock I’ll cook spaghetti , beef sticks, pickles , two iced bottles of beer and the dessert is ice cream with chocolate and mango , and I’ll dance for you nude and I’ll massage you till you say enough .
- you win Fathia , creamy .
- I know I always win .
- because you know my weak point .
- your weak point is that you adore me .
- yes, I approved assuringly .
Fathia fulfilled what she said , may be more than she said , she felt there was a war between her and Leila and she had to get victorious , and I’m the great winner in both sides. as a matter of fact , Fathia was right , so I made up my mind to break off with Lela , but I’m afraid of myself , I know that when I see Leila and hear her voice and look at her wide gray eyes , I forget myself at once . I forget what I decided before . I will forget what I swore to Fathia that I’d be devoted to her only .
This time when I see Leila I” ll tell her I’d like to break off . this relation is wrong . we shouldn’t go on loving each other . I’ll tell Leila first thing I see her with that conclusion I got in my mind . let’s now enjoy what I have before my eyes ; that is Fathia ; my creamy , my whitey, my butter . Fathia is my insurance , the provisions of every beautiful thing in my life. She is like the oil fuel we can’t do without . although America invented vegetable oil and Brazil developed it in the form of ” Ethanol ” from sugar cane . in America they changed the quarter of their production of grains into vegetable oil . this amount can feed three hundred millions persons in the world . for a whole year . in 2009 , the Americans grew 107 million tons of grains , most of them was wheat to blend it with oil fuel and that because of the challenge of the ex- president George Bush to increase the production 500% up to 2o17; to help cut down the import of oil and to decrease the release of carbon dioxide . ever since , in 2007, more than 80 power plants were built to produce vegetable oil .
Naturally , the price of grains raised to break a record within the period of 2006 up to 2008 . the Americans lied , they said , the prices of grains raised only between 2 % to 3 % , but the British Guardian newspaper said, according to a confidential report of the National Bank that the encouragement of the American and European to vegetable oil raised the prices of nutrition to 75 % . so , the number of the hunger people in the world will raise to more than a billion hungers .
Although the recent international economic crisis lessened the prices of food , yet , these prices are still above the average levels on the long run . the effect of the American policy will be very dangerous because the U S is the biggest exporter to the grains in the world . the exports of America out run those exported by Argentina , Australia , Canada and Russia altogether . furthermore , although the United Nations Organisation reported that the demands of the hungers must get priority over the demands of the cars . but , nobody cares , because the United Nations is a tiger of paper since it is mastered by America , besides , a lot of scientists doubted that the vegetable oil will protect the Earth from the release of carbon dioxide .
On the other hand , does America want to substitute oil to decrease their dependence on the imported foreign petroleum ? or does America want to starve all the world ?, though they can buy the oil whose prices are reasonable now ? this international economic crisis which struck America and the west terribly and led to the bankruptcy of banks and companies and thousands of laborers and employees were fired ; as a revenge from Allah because of the policy of burning the food .
What make things worse is that the Royal Hollandaise , “Shell” unveiled about plans to share the Brazilian “Kozan Company”; the biggest producer for Ethanol from sugar cane in the world . Shell will share with 5o % , that is to say , they will pay 12 billion dollars . Kozan produces two billion litters a year , production will raise to 30 billion litters when shared with Shell , then , to 5 billion litters a year . whatever they do , the world can’t do without the oil of the Middle East , OPEC and the Caucasian countries . vegetable oil is only fireworks compared to oil .
I told Fathia on the following morning that I had to fly to Cairo , I have a lot of business to do with Ayman ; my partner, besides , I should accomplish the transaction of cattles and sheep I told Ayman about , my presence is very important . I need only two days to have things done. of course, I lied, I want to go to Leila because my conscience remorses me for leaving her alone , I know how much she loves me .
Fathia knows that I lied and I know that she knows , but what can she say if things come to business , of earning one’s living . I know she cares much about this point . sometimes lie seems like truth. Certainly she was very annoyed and burst into a fit of tears she said I was going to Leila , but may be you’ll go to your business and she won’t stand before earning my living . I told her seriously not to go anywhere . she promised , she swore on my life she won’t and I believe her . I kissed her hands , her cheeks , her lips and I hugged her warmly for a while till she stops sobbing .
I went straight on to Leila’s hotel . it was almost noon . I found her sitting alone in the lobby drinking coffee looking at the space, meditating in a miserable state of mind . I stood before her , she was angry , then excited she got pale , then red , then white she was silent for a while , then she burst into unconscious curses :
- you son of bitch , she said indignantly , but in a whisper because of the people around us .
- thank you , please don’t call me names . I said seeming to be polite. I know what a state she might be in .
- you are the meanest scoundrel on earth , you can’t be even an insect.
- you are more beautiful when you are exasperated . the investigation will begin , I thought .
- why didn’t you come yesterday ? she asked in a low voice but articulating .
- I won’t say I was unwell , I won’t say Fathia was sick and I wont say I didn’t want to come , either ,as a matter of fact , she didn’t want to go to Agiba , of course you know the reason .
- I know this slut hates me, she is one of the rifraffs , one of the mob.
- please don’t call her names , I’m her lover , I’m a sort of her sponsor she is living with me , and if you go on insulting her like that, I’ll go away
you can insult me as much as you want , but don’t insult her .
- oh , please don’t go, I’m sorry , I didn’t sleep at all yesterday , I didn’t even blink while you are at the bosom of Fathia , she was sobbing silently , then she said bitterly:
- you changed my nature , I’m not one of those who may cheat their husbands , but I do it now , and I can’t stop it . I’m not one of those who call people names , I’m burning inside . I was brought up well, I know what is right and what is wrong . I was living quietly and happily till you came and changed my life absolutely.
- you weren’t living , you were living like animals , but , look, now you are a human being , I came to renew your energy to discover your talents , to discover that masterpiece of beauty , to refresh your sentiments and emotions .
- it is you who call names now , please, watch your language.
- if you watch your language, I’ll watch mine , I said .
- don’t you notice that we are quarreling like children .
- yes, we are big children , how are you now ?
- I’m fine since I took my medicine , she said .
- what medicine are you taking ? I asked .
- you are my medicine , you can make me upset , you can make me quiet, you can make me happy , you can make me sad ,
- hay , stop it , are you singing a song ? I asked .
- no , but what I say is true , by the way , how long will you stay
With me ?
- two days .
- what ? she said in surprise , but excitedly , what did you say to Fathia to release you like this ?.
- I’ve told her I’ve some business to do in Cairo with my partner, and I’ll book a return ticket .
- and she believed you ? Leila asked .
- no , she didn’t .
- how could she do that ?
- she had to , because logic says so . where is your family?.
- they went to El Beausite beach , and afterwards , they ‘ll go to attend a birthday party at one of their friends , I told them I’m not keen on going , I’m a little unwell .
- when will they come approximately ?
- about ten o’clock p.m .
- don’t waste time , let’s go to your room .
we went upstairs to her room . it was full of sunshine . she told me she chose a room with sunshine because she knew how much I love sunshine , and she knows I feel gloomy if there isn’t sunshine that is why I don’t like going to cinemas , because it is dark .she promised me to go with me to cinema and she will do something to cure that phobia , honestly I don’t know what she’ll do .
- how did you know all these ? I asked Leila.
- you told me so , I remember every word you say I know what you like and what you don’t like . what things make you sad and what things make you happy . I know you like politics . economics , art and literature . I know you love Shakespeare and the Russian novels, you don’t like the English novels , they are very boring . I know you love Moulier , I know you love classic music , and your favorite is Bach and Mozart , you don’t like Beethoven nor Chopin, but you love Strauss , you love Maria Callas; the marriage of Figaro and Carmen and you love the classic Arabic poetry particularly those masterpieces which were hung inside El Kaba before Islam and were written by most genius poets such as Omro’o El qies, Amr Ebn Kalssom , Zoheir Ebn Abi Salma , Lobeid , Antar Ebn Shatad , El Asha , Torfa Ebn El Abd and El Harth Ebn Helissa , you told me these are our roots and we won’t progress unless these poets should be studied at our schools in addition to Taha Husein , Tawfiq El Hakim ,Akad , Naguib Mahfouz , who won Noble prize . I remember some of the poems you wrote and gave them to me .
- please , recite me some .
A painful experience
You get out of a painful experience,
Mine wasn’t as good.
We can’t get into new experience,
You want to cure love with love,
You want to substitute suffer
With suffer.
I’m afraid of the coming days
You’ll say you have a past.
You’ll be the executioner
And the judge .
The days will be against
our love.
if our nights come again
our hearts may be cured
love needs forgiveness
as trees need water
put your hand in my hand
and forget our loss
may be our wounds can be healed
- what else do you remember from my songs ?
- here it is ,
Tell me one time
Tell me one time,
Even if it’s behind
Your heart ,I love you .
Tell me
I want to see you ,
Even if you don’t come
Tell me lies and say
I love you
May be
Lies come true,
Your heart will beat.
Give me hope,
I live on hope
Afraid of loving you
For a long time
I hope your love will
Be more merciful
Than your eyes
If love appears in
Your eyes
You will be tortured
As I’m tortured with yours
Only come to me once
And feel my love .
- Bravo , well done , I said , although I don’t like that poetry I wrote once . what else do you know ? I asked wondering how much she knows me , I hardly know myself .
- I know you love Fathia very much , and I wish if you love me such much .
- I don’t know . she seems like she doesn’t care , she doesn’t want a hassle , she wants to celebrate me .
- look , this tray is full of yesterday’s dinner , here , it is a fried chicken , kebab , vine leaves filled with rice , vegetables and olive oil , look at the salad and the pickles . I didn’t eat anything since yesterday . anyway , I’ll surprise you , I know Fathia can dance well , I’ll show you my belly dancing soon , just give me five minutes to have a shower and put on my gown .
I don’t know why I lied to Fathia , Why I didn’t tell Leila I want to break up , and why I came to her – something I can’t answer , I can’t break her heart . there are things in life I can’t do ; to break a woman’s heart, or to see an orphan without helping him or a hungry child without giving him food , or an old woman to help her cross the road . no , I ‘ll tell Leila nothing . I won’t put out the light of such happiness , such innocence , such true love , one can’t find a true love in one’s lifetime , so long I’m living I won’t leave Leila no , I swear on that , unless she does it herself and I’m sure she won’t do it either .
She appeared on the stage after a while , with all the necessary accessories , she is really joy to the sight , she was wearing a turquoise gown and transparent red underwear , her hair was chestnut , it was curled , her eyes were wide gray , around her respectable neck a necklace of blue beads , a very big silver earrings and over alabaster background of her complexion .
- if you aren’t Venus , who else could be ?
- don’t flatter me , anyway , thank you for your complement , baby .
she played the recorder and begins to dance , yes , she was dancing beautifully , all the Egyptians love belly dancing ,it is a legacy from the times of Mamloki and the Turkish , may be earlier than that ‘ the Umayyad and Abbasids . she wanted to compete Fathia, she wanted to tell me she could dance better than any dancer , she wanted to bridge that gap , she wanted to satisfy my materialism , to satisfy my visual senses .
the color of the turquoise , with red underwear , in addition to her chestnut curled hair , with her snowy complexion , with her bends and curves , twisting and shaking her supreme perfect body , just to satisfy my eyes ,as she satisfied my mind before . I think , she started to understand the relation between me and Fathia as she once said to , a part of me is enough, a part of my time is enough . I think , I satisfied her pride when I came to her , to sit with her now , and to dance for me now .
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